called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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