Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize