The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
