do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
