you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
