i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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