I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
worst night to have a conscience
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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