is your mom at the bar?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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