seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
