office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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