You're my little dorito
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
there is puke in my bra ... again
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