we're making bets on your personal life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize