Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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