It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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