Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
