direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
