Im at strip club and am horny
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
