She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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