I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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