dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
