If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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