How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
