OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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