the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
