my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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