my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
