he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
