I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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