Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize