Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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