Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
