dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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