first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
