Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
