All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
