You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
