My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
