i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
