So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
