he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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