The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
