Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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