Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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