her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
