Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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