He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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