i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize