I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
