if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
