hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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