i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
