I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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