This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
