As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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