so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
