The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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