Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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