bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
