My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
