Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
