Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
