come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
