She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
