I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
