it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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