I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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