So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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